Saturday, October 16, 2010

Long Distance Relationship

Some people say that LDR (Long Distance Relationship) won't work...

For me, maybe yes, maybe no.

So far, I'd been dating with some foreign guys that I have never met. We dated online. Ha! Yeah, I know it sounds silly, but it was fun! With the time differences, like Jakarta would be 2 PM when LA is 11 or 12 PM  or France or Germany is at 8 AM (depends on the season), we have to arrange both of our schedules well to turn on our laptops, sign in Facebook-MSN-AIM-Skype and standby before the webcam. Two of us really got to sacrifice: sleep late and sneaking to chat at work.

Did we succeed to keep going until our first physical meeting? No!

We broke up right months before the time we have actually planned to meet. It was for good. No more sacrifices he could offer and so could I, then it was time to end. As it's all about it.

But somehow, funnier thing is I can talk almost everything to my best cyberfriends. I love them all. Despite the distance, they can understand me well, even they know too much about me. I let them. I trust them. They do the same thing. We breakthrough the fear, suspicions and all. Completely borderless! We deliver trust and positive energy more to our friendships. I have faith with them.

Boyfriend thing doesn't work, friendship can work better. Family communications? Well, you can bet! I'm the youngest girl of 6 in the family. I am truly the youngest as my siblings and I have quite surprising age differences. My 5th sister is 12 years older and my eldest sister is 20 years way older than I am .

We don't communicate a lot with each other, as well as with our parents. Maybe some of my siblings do, but I don't. Special case, me and my mom talk more often. But, it's not all the time that we have a nice conversation, coz mostly we get in a fight on generation differences.

Since early this year, my 5th sister has gone to China to study. I have her email, cellphone number and Skype account. It's been months. But we don't talk that much, nor fight. The funniest, a few weeks ago, we talked about life, religions (as I claimed myself as an Agnostic) and a guy that has stolen my heart since last year (and the love triangle drama included). Remembering this, I thought myself would have been crazy. I never talked that open to my family.

Ive been an alien. In school, in former church... and in my fam. It's hard to find somewhere I can be myself. I'd rather stay in my bedroom and don't come out to stay in the living room or kitchen too long or if I don't need anything from those 'outside world' of mine. The real world around has made me scared and felt little to be myself. That's why, I got distance to the world surround me and then, lost contact. In other words, I lost my ability to interact directly to people who stood before me.

So, starting this blog... I'm ready to start being real me. My real name, my words, my style, my choices... all in my caffeinated life through my naked body. This is gonna be a long process, a long and winding... and could be stormy road, too.  I have decided to limit my access to my solitude life in cyber world.

I learn that I need to go out of my hideaway and face people. And to try to communcate is becoming my resolution.  For me, it's time to change my POV on both existing world: cyber and real. They got be kept in balance,... yes, both, instead of choosing one of them.

So, it's time to speak up and to stand up tall, and my fam would be the first to see the real me---the side they haven't seen before (Isn't it funny? I've been with them since I was born, yet all I have been doing is denying myself and pretending). I can't lie that I don't need my fam support. But guess. in my situation---unlike other fam or parents which could give you their whole trust and support on what you are and what you do---I have to earn their trust and support. I'll make them believe in me and see that they have been in the wrong lane on interacting  and judging me. That way, someday my fam wouldn't be surprise to see what I have done, achieved ... and how the world might look up at me, soon... in real life.

Wish me luck,

Bree
xoxo

2 comments:

  1. You know, having meeting you at the first place in your 'real' world, I definitely interested in what you're planning to do :) Maybe it's not luck that you need, I will pray for your strength instead, so that you'll think giving up is never be a choice :) But yeah, the future is most likely in the real life, not in the virtual life, right...

    Actually, I also found it's actually fun to have a kind of 'virtual' life, another life. I once experience this at the time I addicted for online game (RO), where I got guild members and sometimes chat with them. Not only talking about our guild, but we also talk about our real life. To be honest, during that time, sometimes I feel kind of missing to chat with them, even though I don't really have much thing to say. Kinda weird actually :p well, maybe I know what's the fun of having 'another life' like you do. 'Maybe', though :)

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  2. wow.. thanks for sharing!
    yeah.. this world is contained many different little worlds.. it's just weird that we have to be in just one world to be considered 'normal'
    somehow.. being in many different worlds are interesting.. still.. i dont regret where i have been.

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