Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Fear of what you've been born to be

People love making jokes about typical person. Okay, fine. Maybe there isn't something fun in the lives. Just pity them somehow. You can play with stereotypes, but just don't be too serious on that. Why? It doesn't work on everyone. Lemme give you example, I'm Chinese, but I'm the only one who never thinks about having money-oriented business. It's not that I don't thing further for my future, I just know what I can live with.

My choice for becoming a writer or journalist made my family once shocked. I'm Chinese girl, and this country hates me. "What if you have to report on a riot? You'll be attacked as you're a girl, and you got slit eyes," my mom said. Yes, I know what it takes. That's why, I leave political issue far away from my head. Pretend like I don't know anything. Now, I'm more to lifestyle, traveling,... any feature writing. I don't wanna go to work on TV station. I don't want people to see and recognize me. That's it. I'd rather stay low profile. It's safer.

Oh yeah, sometimes I can't leave my anger behind seeing those stupid capitalist player in the government. Or, the demons who stand on Holy Bible, who once burned this country into ashes in May 1998, or bombed my church on Christmas Eve years ago. If you have ever heard about Yasmin Church or Islamic Front Defender attacking Ahmadiyah... if you're parts of minority with me, you know your existence are still in danger in this country. Things haven't changed.

Lately, I found an old article about a guy, Chinese guy, who was a gay man. He was attacked because he was gay. And what made it worse for him? He's Chinese, so those demons think he's double shot bully.

It's not about me, feeling special of what I've been born. I'm not giving negative thoughts about anyone. No! Not at all! It's fear that I got, as these people never open up to diversity. They keep playing with the stereotype that doesn't match with me. Moreover, they enjoy hurting people with dumb reasons. I know some people of the same race with mine are kinda.. annoying and also racist. I have such people in my grand family, and I hate them too. Let's see the bigger picture, racism and hatred aren't coming from only one side. I don't want a defense. But the majority isn't always right and the good person, while minority is the bad guy.

It's hard for me to live as a normal person who is free and powered by curiosity. Mentally, I'm restricted. While this country has so many things to explore, I only can touch some part of it. I have to let the other side of the world I'm living darker than the night. The fear is also with the whole family, too. Inside, I still have people around you who made me frightened of anything. Within their worry and racism experience in the past, fear in me gets stronger.

My mom stopped going to school as her Chinese school was closed down in 30 September Communist Movement. In May 1998, my school and its surrounding got attacked, robbed and burned down. In these years, there had been many rumours that would be another riot that targetted the Chinese. Hoax or not. Everyday is never safe for everyone.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Thanks for reading! You're most welcome to leave some of your loveable words...