It's getting constant. Every single loneliness that fills the time, always gets me to the core: I found fear. I remember John Mayer's in his song 'Stop This Train'. I didn't see it as something light, especially now, coz I feel the same.
The target is obviously missed. Look! Who am I? I still know me as nobody and being lost is my dear friend. 24 will be my next stop in 2014. Wish everything can just .... slow down while I'm running fast. Guess, it won't happen. And my other favourite buddy is confusion. It drags my fear to come at front and holds me back from stepping forward. So, don't ask why I need more time to breath and decide.
Getting in the end of 2013, I'm single, bored and scared. Clueless can be added. Worry is also regular lover. Questioning the years ahead and how my life will be like. My colleague, Tania, has resigned and John, my former lecturer and also from QFF will move to Bangkok. Everyone steps forward, but me.
Here I am sitting on my desk, writing with a glass of wine in my room, surrounded with scented candles lit at every corner, mellow music on, crying with empty stares to the screen.
There's a moment where I just follow where the wind takes me. There, I look back and see how I've been too ambitious, tough on my own self, but it didn't work out anyway. Life proves me wrong. Fate shows my weakness. World whispers me of hopelessness.
Wind blows dry. Dusty as it is that I can't see my path through. No grip, only the blow teases my steps, plays with my hair. Now it's twirling, I wanna dance for a while even though I know I might fall.
... what happens in my bedroom, stays in my bedroom...