Monday, October 31, 2016

Where Am I Now?

It all started last year when I made the most righteous decision. I quit my job for giving another pressure test on myself.

What would I be? 
What would I want? 
What should I do?

I made the right decision. Not the most righteous, maybe. But I did a good thing to leave all people and place that I don't want to spend for another year, and not to change into someone I don't want to become.

One year has passed. Lots of things have happened, more than I can tell you. It was (always) a rough journey. Things get tougher each day on and I land to the question I address to myself, would I ever make it? Second chances have been given and taken. I cannot make more mistakes. Which... is... hard.

I enjoyed everything that comes my way. Balance is still the thing I'm struggling for.

Here I am... just published my first book, Reuni, and almost pushing a year in a creative agency, serving as a Public Relations consultant.

It was last year that I decided to end everything. Almost everything that shapes me who I am now. I have reached the point when you know what matters to you, who are true to you, and of which you'll need to keep in your life---what to abandon from your hands (sadly, though).

Again in my quarter life crisis, I did a change for myself, in order to break all the curse.

I left my work and start writing the story of a guy who needs to beat the shit out of him. Pushing 30 years old yet still clueless. He might not be 100% kind of a guy I always dream of, but some part of him was random fragments I have in life, whether it's related to me or not.

The book is written by another two writers I have known for so long. Hally and Joe. Turned out we have to collaborate for a book. Literally, one book together. One novel. Not an anthology. So I said to them, what if we make a story how one incident involving three people? An incident---a misunderstanding---always left different perceptions from each person involved and those perceptions could scatter them away.

So there it went... I wrote the story while I was enduring the ups and downs deciding my next step in career, post-mall PRgirl.

Now, I'm entering another phase in life. Don't we all?

That was my one Friday night.

... what happens in my bedroom, stays in my bedroom...

Saturday, February 20, 2016

Why Indo Should Not Focus on LGBT?

I know there has been some agenda on LGBT existence brought up as another public distraction after the bombing. Religions, again, of course, is used to counter the facts and science. And meanwhile, the Pope has said, 'who are we to judge?'.

In Indo, Pope might mean nothing to the country whose role models are Mid East countries. But this country is surely facing real problems that have been going for years and are not fully fixed or well fixed.

You see how people with differences still cannot coexist for this case. I know it might be a tough job to be open minded, while education rate is seriously low. Or, the way we're all educated is ... not really that good. Coexist is indeed a utopia. Silly me to expect that in a country who believes in 'diversity' stated in the state principles (Pancasila).

Sarcastic enough?

Well, let's be fair. Personally I always think that we have to move forward, learn more on others who are different than us. Try to understand.  Therefore, you can be tolerant. Yes... tolerance will come if understanding revives one's mind. There's something we can be tolerant about, and there isn't. LGBT isn't something you can't tolerant with. They don't corrupt the economy, they don't kill people, they don't steal or hurt you. If you hear and read news on crime committed by a gay guy, it's just personal deeds, instead of LGBT thing as a whole. There are millions straight like me who committed crime.

Don't read it wrong, I don't do crime. =P

We're getting to advanced civilization. If there are some people to choose living in a cave, we can still coexist, right? We're not going to invade people who live in a cave by being anti LGBT. Nor, the cave people can be allowed to do politics and violence towards people on the other side (Can I say civilized people?). No, we don't need to focus on LGBT.

Here the points why?
  • Corruption Alert
It's obvious why. I don't need to state more. Find the data on Google.
  • Dealing with Infrastructure
Ok, I might know better about Jakarta to say about this. Even though it's getting better, you know it's not fully fixed if the internet is very slow.
  • On Gender, There Is More Critical Situation to Handle
Speaking on gender equality, we have more situations. Like Law on Marriage. We still have problems in dealing with domestic violence. Ex-husbands who deny their obligations to their ex wife and kids based on divorce settlement. And how do you handle a situation where a husband takes his children away from the wife in order for revenge? Tell me now.

Sexual assaults is high. Most are committed by straight men. Obviously. Yet, the cases are not that sexy to fight for. Even the case is often closed by short imprisonment for the men, or even marrying the victim to the rapist...the criminal. How's that? Living together with a criminal.

And sexual assaults are complicated. It's not always like what it has been pictured in movies or crime news. How do you handle a sexual assault which has been done through mindset manipulation? And don't say that the victim is stupid because of what happened to her... that it took so much time for her to realize and find help.

The society sees the victim in more harsh way, rather than to the shit guy. Media, too. Would it be better if we focus on this problems?

How many women are paid much lower at work (with the same level and position)? Go figure.
  • Covered/Uncovered Economy Crisis 
Read the news. Find credible media to read. When you read, try to think twice and make logic of what you find. The country is having serious problems. Big companies are collapsing. Many lost their jobs. Think of what might happen in the next 5 years. It's scary. Better think on how we'd survive!
  • Really? You Think You're God?
Some people don't agree with LGBT because it's forbidden by religions. Oh come on... like what I have written above. Who are we to judge? If religions say this wrong, that wrong. C'mon.... if you have religion, show me that you have God to decide it better. We, humans, know nothing. Let God says the right thing. All we can do is to treat human as human. Let them be... if it's wrong, it's their problem with God. Not your business, and you don't need to feel worry, intimidated or anything. Coz they're just ok with us, heteros. You don't believe me? How many gay movies we watch and we're okay with it and compare on how many straight films they have watched and they're ok with those?

Try to count it.

... what happens in my bedroom, stays in my bedroom...

Monday, January 18, 2016

Closer to Fear

When you say 'you're not afraid', are you sure? Do you really mean it?

What if you see a tragedy everyday, would you say the same?
Would you think it makes you stronger? Makes you stronger by seeing people slaughtered?

So, is it okay if inhumanity taking place everyday? You're not afraid, right?

What is fear?

What are you fear of?

Are we having fear for the right reason?

Are we not having the fear for the wrong reason?

Is it still okay?

Is it okay to have fear?

Or, is it that bad?

Does having fear mean you're losing?

Does fear save you?

Could you tell me more when you're closer to fear?


... what happens in my bedroom, stays in my bedroom...

Thursday, January 14, 2016

The Third Explosion

It was 07.55 when I tapped my ID card at work. I usually arrive early.  Yes, early. I'm working in an agency where people could arrive at least 10am, yet they would spend quite late at work.

Anyway, nothing was suspicious.

Not until a shocking gigantic sound came to our ears a few hours later. Funny, I've been the one who's always worried with such sound in the office, fear might it be a bomb. Previously, in my one and a half month working in that office, it was whether sound of thunder or something from the construction area nearby. That morning, my colleague also thought it was thunder! But we realized, the sky was clear.

I didn't move until somebody said it was a bomb a few seconds after. The first explosion. We ran towards the window but the smoke was gone. Everything was ok. The person who said he saw an explosion suddenly wasn't sure of what he just saw. We sat back at our seats and the second explosion burst out. There, we started to worry. We ran back to the window yet everything down there seemed to be normal, seen from 26th floor.

The people around the Sarinah wasn't running away, freaking out or something. Like everything was normal. So I thought, maybe it might be an explosion from Burger King's kitchen, despite my colleague said that the explosion he saw was in front of Starbucks. And then I thought again, if it was indeed a blow from the kitchen... how could the sound break so loud?

I took my time to type fast on Path when my colleague tried to search the news about it. That explosion was brand new, of course there's nothing about it on the net. No one answered me on Path for some time.

Some colleagues started wondering, asking someone to find out. I made a few steps back from the window, just right before the third explosion came visible to my eyes.

I screamed.

That's it. I usually don't scream, but shits in my head defended themselves to let out. I remembered someone yelled out to evacuate. I ran to my desk, packed everything quickly while telling my friends not to forget everything behind at work. When we were getting closer to the door, one of the bosses said to me, "Stay inside, it's happening down there, you'd better stay inside. There's a shooting downstairs, you don't wanna go down."

Some people were already near the elevators, I screamed asking them to come back inside. I didn't hear anything but the explosions, so I was shocked too that there were shootings already.

So we stayed. We stayed altogether in one point. The building management officer spoke out an announcement, saying that we should stay inside. Let's say, we're trapped in the office.

Definitely, it was ISIS. Or their previous look-alikes: JI, Al-Qaeda, HT and all. Yet, some part of me still hoped that it could only be a drill. It wasn't. My journo friend said that it was a terrorist attack. Confirmed.

I told my friends about it and the news came up.

We went to the restroom together, and the fourth explosion came. That was nightmare. Suddenly I felt like I lived in Iran or Syria. The big main streets with the coolest places and skyscrapers in the city turned into war zone. As it has been the fourth one, we thought there would be more and we didn't know where. Our office building could be next. And we couldn't leave.

All I cared was I needed to tell my family that I was okay so they wouldn't be worried. I hate it when they worried. My mom was sick since last week, she's not feeling that well. I was afraid this news might frighten her and trigger her pain. I made the call, trying not to panic so I would sound convincing enough that I was okay. I wasn't. My hands were all trembling when I made those calls.

My XL was dead. Kinda hard to made a call straight from my cellphone. I also rushed to contact my brother and sis-in-law who worked in Thamrin, too, with land phone on the desk. I cancelled my meetings and stayed calm.

After calling my mom, another explosion. The fifth. I didn't take the time to get closer to the window to look. The sixth...

Hours there of despair. I wasn't afraid if I have to die on that day. But I was afraid if I might get hurt... living and keep remembering the public distraction of an on-going issue. Just because of it, people died. Innocent ones. Of course, I didn't count the terrorist who died during the attack. Let them be.

Looking for the bigger picture... The spin doctors made a huge success with a handful of ammunition for the day: The hashtags people debated (instead of spreading the right information and verifying the rumors), the public watch on the spot, and the fashionable cops.

People also compared the incident with the one in Paris. Definitely not the same. Indo were debating Indonesians posting 'Pray for Paris' and the French flag applied on their profile pic when it all happened, which for me, it's something normal. As I see it as a way to deliver condolences despite the distance Indo and France had. But this is Jakarta. These peeps are in the same city. And they're debating the hashtags while I was burning my head in composing the plan to escape. I just wanted to be at home.

The incident left me curious.
How on earth it could happen...
How people dare to do this, letting some people who know nothing to die intentionally just to cover things up. I noticed a few illogical clues. I'm writing this, not in the mood to accuse. However, I was surprised on how many people ignore it and CHOOSE to get distracted, even worse, claiming the hero on wrong people and pointing it out as cynicism to be critical about this.

Some people who were consumed with such things... had less sympathy. Well, I can't blame them. I can't blame them for not being there and realizing the absurdities. Instead, they would love to joke (or brag) on 'bravery' of civilians who enjoyed the violent drama, live...only a few steps away.

Anyway, at least I know who were truly cared about me on that day. People who had me on their mind when the incident made the headlines. Thank you! I'm deeply touched. It's always nice to know that people care.

As a person who work in Communication industry and taking classes on Terrorism Studies, I am sure this incident is definitely a set-up. It had been practiced many times previously. By who? Just find the spin doctor....

And it made me realized, we're all Jon Snow. We know nothing. 

Last but not least...

Dear Spin Doctor, whoever you are... Yeah, you won. But I'm not afraid. One day, I'll do the same thing to you.